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I’d like a redo on this entire week. Actually, just as I was typing that an ice cream man pulled onto our street. This is about the second time this has happened in the 11 years I’ve lived here. I got excited and told the kids. They ran outside to stop him. In their excitement the front door was left open and the dumbass dog ran outside. Ugh. Then we had to chase him down the damn street. So. Pissed. Off. The kids are all YAY ice cream. and I’m like this blows and I just had to drag the dog out of an old lady’s yard and into the car and he slobbered on my coupon binder! Yeah, so that wasn’t even what I was going to talk about when I first started this. I’ve been with my family alot this week. Funerals and visitation are AWFUL but it seems I’m a pro at this. This makes funeral #5 in the last three years. That’s just family members. I also attended some of others I knew. So this proved to be an extremely difficult time to try and get off antidepressants. Especially ones that my body had apprently become dependent on. This morning I went to the dr and got my blood drawn so they can do a recheck of my cholesterol. I got it checked once before and it was 308. It was at a place that just gives physicals and that place opted against meds for me. I know! That’s a crazy high number. So I got that done. The dr office I go to fo that kind of stuff is also the place where my cousin works. My cousin that just lost her father. She was obviously not there. Pretty much everyone from her dr office was at the funeral. My cousin in 39. Right after high school she went to school to me a medical assistant and her first job after was with these same doctors. Only place she’s worked! When her mother died they shut down the dr office so everyone could come. They did the same this week for her daddy. Just typing it makes me cry because that is the sweetest thing ever. My old employer got annoyed that I was at ANOTHER funeral back in October. Good thing I no longer work there because it probably would have gotten ugly with me taking off again this week for another funeral. So anyway since I was at the doctor anyway I ask if I could be seen. I got there right as they opened and they weren’t busy so they got me right back. When the dr got in the room I was just sitting there crying. She didn’t realize I was a relative. Once she found out she understood why I was just crying. She was awesome. I was there 45 minutes. Drs never seem to have that much time. We talked about my attempt to quit pexeva. She said she had tried paxil once and it was awful. She also said given my current state today and all that has happened with the family both recently and just this week she didn’t thikn quittings meds all together at this time was the best choice for me. I agreed. But I told her i wasn’t taking the stuff i was on anymore! I’m back on Welbutrin. The generic of it but I don’t remember the name of it. It works differently than an SSRI (which for those non crazies out there means selective seratonin reuptake inhibitor). I took it when I was younger and it worked quite well. I also know that if/when I stop taking it I will not have these same issues of withdrawal. I came home and threw my Pexeva in the trash. Also, Wellbutrin is fine to take during pregnancy. SOme doctors may have you ween during the 3rd trimester but otherwise it is ok. So if we decide to go down that road I will not have to worry about the meds. I just wish my family was not dealing with this. My mom is a total wreck as to be expected. She’s still not over her parents loss and that was about two years ago. She was executor of the estate and her sister and other brother sued her and the brother that just died. Other sis and bro felt my mom and this brother shouldn’t get ANYTHING. My grandparents wills had it split equally 4 ways. Other sis and other bro LOST! That drug on for like a year. It was settled last fall. Then my aunt died and brought all the memories back for her. Then 5 months later her brother dies. I convinced her to see a therapist next week. I hope it helps. I’m also so concerned about my dad. I’m sure that had to be so traumatic and he was of course so upset that he couldn’t save him. Turns out my uncle was already dead when my dad got there. He arrived 13 min after my uncle called him. He called 911 but neither he nor the paramedics could revive him. They think it was a pulmonary embollism and for the most part if you have that and the clot breaks loose you just die. I’m still worried about my daddy though. He’s taking it hard. I’m also sick of crying. I told the dr I feel like I just can’t breathe. It’s tha anxiety.
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