Filed under: just life
19 days. It could be worse. So that day that I last posted I talked about being overwhelmed and having practice at 5 and all that and wondering if Brady would get home before then. The short answer is NO! Long answer? Around 5:30 he called and waned to know what I was doing and I told him that we were all at practice. I ask when he got home to which he replied he wasn’t home yet. He was at his mom’s house. I told him that must be nice! He was all what does that mean and I told him (nicely! I swear!) that I would just really appreciate some help with ball. He tried to say he wouldn’t have been able to get them there on time anyway. I told him that yes he could. We went back and forth a few times and then I said yeah if you come straight home from work you have plenty of time. He gets pissed and says why should he rush home from work to take them to practice because what have I been doing all day anyway?? I told him fuck off and hung up. I then texted him and told him I’d done EVERYTHING that day. Same as everyday. If it gets done I do it except for stuff with his stupid dog and cutting the grass and taking out the trash. Those are the things he does and the grass cutting just started maybe 4 weeks ago so when we had that conversation he had cut the grass maybe once this year if that. He texts me back that he thinks that is funny. Then he texts me that poor me I have it so bad. Of course later that night when we’re all home he is in bed sleeping and ignoring me so I cooked dinner for the kids and just ignored him. He texts the next day wanting to know what time the baseball game was. Even though I didn’t want to I told him. He tried texting me some more but I ignored him and he replied that he guesses I’ll be in an ill mood that night. Damn right. We ignored each other that night, too. The next day he called me complaining about the person he took the lawn mower to a few days before. So NO actually he’d not yet cut the grass because it was getting fixed where he broke it in the fall. He mentions taking it somewhere else and I really don’t care. So around noon I’m in the bedroom in just a towel laying on bed watching tv. No one was home so I hadn’t gotten dressed after my shower. He shows up. Scares me to death when I hear someone open the front door! I ask him what he was doing home and the fight began. I basically told him I hated him and he was a useless husband and crappy father that ignores his kids and has me do everything but then doesn’t want me even making decisions about them. We’ve pretty much been fighting for almost 3 weeks. I was telling Danielle about this and she ask me what I did like about him and I couldn’t come up with anything. I still can’t. Geez. I swear I could type for hours. There’s so much to say. I’m just starting to wonder (again) what the hell I was thinking when I married him. It’s a regret. We attempted to talk a few nights ago and that was brought up. He said that hurts him to know but it is the truth. I want out. I’m not going to be impulsive about this. I want to make sure I’m making the right decision. I’m sick of it though. Unless we avoid any heavy conversation we fight. We get along when we just discuss our day and monotonous crap like that. anything to do with our relationship and where it’s going ends up in a fight. When past things are brought up because he has yet to resolve things with me it turns into a fight. If his ex wife is brought up it is a HUGE fight. It just feels like 1 1/2 years of anger and resentment are coming out. He says he doesn’t understand because I was happy a month ago. I guess overall I was. Didn’t have to work. (even though that wasn’t a choice) Can pick up t he kids from school and keep my house clean and go to the gym regularly and things I enjoy doing and I love ball season so that helps. But when I looked at the big picture, this is not the life I want. I feel like I’ve wasted two years. He’s just irresponsible. Last Sunday I was gone most of the day. I went to visitation at the funeral home here (yes. another death.) and then hung out with my sister. I decided on purpose to not go home until after 6pm because that is the time his ex wife brings home his kids. I just wondered if he could handle a simple task. A few minutes after 6 the phone rang! She was at our house with the kids and they were pounding on the door. No answer! The truck and motorcycle were there which meant he was in the back of the house with the TV and the stupid fan on sleeping. He lost his phone the night before so the service was suspended at that time so she called me not knowing what to do. I offered to come home but she said she’d just drop them to me at my sister’s because it was on the way to where she was going. I waited till 7 to go home with HIS kids. Hoping he was wondering where they were. I get there and he’s not even home. He’d went to taco bell. Didn’t even know what had happened. I tell him that he was sleeping good and his kids were pounding on the door and couldn’t get in. He seemed irritated then because he looked bad I’m sure. He said he was sleeping but he thought I’d be home by then. Blaming me for his screw up. Always an excuse. Always someone else’s fault. Never takes responsibility for anything. He took Chloe to a birthday party today. He didn’t want to, but I told him if he didn’t take her she didn’t get to go because I wasn’t doing it. It’s time to get my life back. I feel bad for his kids but I can’t be unhappy to make them happy. They have two parents and that is their job.
Filed under: Uncategorized
I know. I sort of do this to myself. Of course I expected my husband to be more helpful during ball season. We had a softball game last night (Monday). It was Chloe’s first game and I have to go to softball games because I help coach. Mason was at his dad’s and he was going to be at cub scouts. BJ had scouts we thought so Brady was taking him. So, just me and Chloe sounded doable. Turns out scouts were put off until tonight (Tuesday) so Brady and BJ did show up to the game for a while. Tonight (Tuesday) we are supposed to have baseball practice at 5pm. The practice is going to be behind the tennis courts which means we don’t have to wrap up at any certain time so the coach will likely keep us there for two hours or longer. It’s usually about 7:15 when he wraps up those practices. Both boys are on that team. BJ is supposed to have cub scouts, too so not sure what we’ll do about that. We skip scouts for games, but this team seriously practices 3 times a week or more if they can so we don’t worry about an occasional missed practice. I think They’ve probably had at least 15 practices in the last month or so. The softball team has had 3 practices and two scrimmages. That’s it! That’s more normal but whatever. All three kids are home tonight. Brady won’t get home until almost 5. He could get here around 4:40 but he usually drags and I think he does it on purpose sometimes. Like tonight I’m betting he will wait till later hoping that I had already left for practice with all the kids and then he’ll come home and decide that it is pointless for him to be at practice, too, so he’ll be at home alone. He’ll make dinner (maybe) if I ask. He’s been to only 2 practices and did come and relieve me from one because I had to get to the other field for a practice so he was at practice maybe 15 minutes that night. Then tomorrow (wednesday) we have a make up baseball game at 6. The coaches want the kids ther at 5:15 to practice for 45 minutes before the hour and a half game. We’re not going that early. Thirsday is a 6pm baseball game and the coaches want the kids there at 5:15. Friday night we have a softball game at 6pm and we will need to be about 15 or 20 minutes early. Saturday both teams have a game at 1:15. I HAVE to be at the softball game to be in the dugout so I can’t go to the baseball game. There are only 4 games out of around 20 that are at the same time so not so bad. So, I need to have kids at two different places at the same time. I have a feeling Brady is not going to want to go to either game because it would be cutting it too close getting to the racetrack. Games wouldn’t be over until around 2:45 and the racetrack gates open at 3 and he wants to be there at the beginning to get enout time trials and blah blah blah. He drag races. He’ll probably go even if he has to be a little late. He doesn’t get home till after midnight when he goes to the racetrack. So after all the time at the park juggling the three kids at two games (luckily the two boys are on the same team) then I will go home and be with them alone. I need some help. If I ask I think he will begrudgingly do it, but why the hell do I have to ask?? Does he think that since I’m not working I can do 50 things at once at night?
Filed under: just life
Soooo, it’s been a week. Not to bad for a novice blogger. I’m feeling much, much better. This is day seven of the wellbutrin and it is helping immensely. One fun side effect is weight loss. Nice considering a side effect of the other med I was on was weight gain. I’ve lost 4 pounds. 50 more to go. At least 30. 50 would be great. 70 would be back to high school weight. Baby steps! I don’t think I want high school weight anyway. My doctor’s office called and I got the bad number I was expecting with my cholesterol. It’s 306. I know! Horrible! Last summer when it was checked it was 308. I immediately quit smoking. I knew my body didn’t need both of those. Last summer’s number was at a place called Life Signs that only does physicals. Cool place. Because of that my doctor’s office did not know about the bad number until I confessed. Then I still waited 3 more months after telling them to get it rechecked. Soo, my doctor has given me three months to lose some weight and get this cholesterol at least somewhat lower. If I’ve made no progress she said she’s putting me on a med and I don’t want that! Starting Monday I guess I’ll start using my gym membership. This week I was babysitting a 4-year-old during the day so that kind of made it impossible. Monday it is. I *must* stick to this. Time to get healthy! At least healthier.
